Penny’s Two Cents by Penny Orloff

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 Is it already 2024? Another year rides off into the sunset... Six years, and I’m still procrastinating on my book, Who Would You Be If You Had Nothing to Bitch About? 

Oh, what to do, what to do… 

Although we feared their individual wrath, my siblings and I really made an effort not to displease both of our parents at the same time. For, in their ire, together they dreamed up ever-more-dastardly tortures to get us to toe the mark. By far the worst one The Parents could think of, the one that really got our attention and kept it, was “NO TV FOR A WEEK!!!”

Aaarrrgghhhh! No Mickey Mouse Club, no Leave It to Beaver, no Superman? Even if joy was certainly not what Joe and Ruetta Orloff had in mind with so heinous a punishment, those television-less weeks were the birth of my passion for costume design, the germination of my playwriting skills, the perfection of my double pirouette. After all, I suddenly had hours of boredom to kill, and kids are nothing if not creative.

So, why not try it—how ‘bout I turn off the TV for a week? That goes for Netflix on the ol’ computer, too. And the endless scrolling through Facebook and Twitter feeds on the iPhone. 

I—who have “no time” to finish that book, practice the piano, become fluent in French—how much time will I have suddenly exhumed? Might I have found even an hour a day? Half an hour?? If I’m watching TV and/or vegging online anywhere near the national average of four hours a day—and I am—I’d have more than a thousand hours a year. Writing at the slow rate of half a page an hour that’s still a pretty hefty book, even after my customary slash-and-burn editing.

How badly do I want to finish this third book, to see those who believe in me rejoice over my accomplishment? To revenge myself on the people who doubted me… Resolution for the New Year: Right now—RIGHT NOW!!—I commit to one measly week without television and Facebook and Twitter and Netflix and YouTube, no matter what might be happening on ESPN+ or Murder in Boston. I may like my freedom so much that I never go back. (Yeah, that’ll happen…)

Every book seems the struggle of a whole life. And then, when it is done — pouf! Never happened. Best thing is to get the words down every day. And it is time to start now.

John Steinbeck

Penny Orloff was a working actress and dancer in LA when she relocated to New York on a Juilliard opera scholarship. She played featured parts on Broadway after 7 seasons and more than 20 Principal Soprano roles at New York City Opera. Her solo show, Jewish Thighs on Broadway (based on her award-winning novel, available on Amazon), played off-Broadway and toured the U.S. for a decade. Her new show, Songs and Stories From a Not-Quite-Kosher Life, is currently touring. More at www.pennyorloff.com