This month, we’ll turn our attention to dialogue in our manuscripts. I’ve spent the better part of the last 15 years learning to craft more efficient and snappy dialogue. Before turning to writing novels full time, I spent a dozen years as a journalist. Following the familiar 5-W concept (who, what, where, when, and why), all of my articles relied on direct quotes from sources. Never did I misquote or embellish; whatever the source said—unless edited for clarity—wasn’t tampered with. Ever.
When I began my full-time writing career (writing a novel can’t be that hard, can it?!), I had little trouble with plot, characterization, or description. Where I found myself lacking: dialogue. To remedy that, in addition to buying numerous books on the subject, I took a one-week intensive course with American playwright and screenwriter Theresa Rebeck (Smash, NYPD Blue) at Hedgebrook on Whidbey Island, Washington. There I came to learn how dialogue is critical to story.
The first rule learned: Always tag dialogue with only “John said” or “he said”/“Jane said” or “she said” (the only time to break this rule is when a character asks a question; in that case use “he asked” or “she asked.”)
What, you say? None of “he whispered” or “she shrieked” or “he cried” or “she demanded?” And how to do this without pulling our hair
This is where your scene set-up and character description is paramount. If you’re setting up a passage where Jane might shriek, it’s all in the build up, i.e. a door opens, someone comes up from behind and accosts the character, the character bristles and screams. In this case, you might write “Get your hands off of me!” or “What the . . . ?!” An exclamation point alone will convey surprise or fright if the scene is set with tension.
If you’re intent on Jane demanding something, again, scene set up and description, i.e. Jane bursts into the office, slams her fist on the table, the room goes quiet. “Hand them over,” she said. “Now.”
We all know the old adage: Show, don’t tell. With this in mind, it’s important not to modify dialogue tags with adverbs, i.e. “she said resentfully.” Again, show, don’t tell that Jane resents John. You can use internal dialogue or backstory. It’s also unnecessary to use character’s names every time they speak.
See how unnatural this sounds:
“What do you want, Jane?” John said.
“I want the divorce papers,” Jane said.
“Jane, you know I won’t hand them over without a fight,” John said.
“John, you exasperate me,” Jane said. “Hand them over. Now.”
Try this instead:
Jane bursts into the room, her face pock-marked with red blotches. Damn it that she forgot her concealer. A quick trip to the office ladies' room wasn’t worth the effort; she looks like shit.
John looks up from his desk, his glasses perched low on his nose. She can feel his hostility across the room. “What do you want?” He looks down then, as if she’s not worth his attention.
“The divorce papers."
He looks up, eyes narrowed, a sneer searing his lip. “You know I won’t hand them over without a fight. Not to you.”
Bastard. All those years living with bruises. He won’t beat me here. She advances toward the desk, knotting her hands to keep them from shaking. I can do this.
“Hand them over. Now.”
* * *
Now let’s dig deeper to uncover best practices for writing good dialogue.
The first book I bought on the subject was titled eponymously, Dialogue, an imprint from the “Write Great Fiction” series by Gloria Kempton (Writer’s Digest Books, 2004).
Here are 10 nuggets I underlined from Kempton’s book with comments of my own in parentheses:
1. We must slip inside our characters and become them; from inside of our characters, we begin speaking (be sure to do a complete character map before putting words in their mouths).
2. Dialogue reveals the character’s motives and opposing agendas (both external and internal dialogue accomplish this).
3. Effective dialogue always delivers tension (i.e. leave out the boring parts!)
4. Dialogue moves the plot forward (always).
5. Dialogue gives the scene a three-dimensional feel (think all the senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch).
6. Use contractions in dialogue to make the conversation feel and seem natural (you’ll notice the difference when you get to tip #10).
7. Write dialogue that is eavesdropping-worthy (now we’re getting to the good stuff!)
8. Pace your dialogue by inserting character movement (sometimes this will result in sentence fragments or sentences left hanging 1) with ellipses after train of thought, i.e. “I thought you said . . .” Jane looks at her feet. Can I really say this aloud? She dusts dried dirt off her foot and wipes her hand on her jeans. “Like I was saying . . .” OR 2) an em-dash if character is interrupted mid-sentence, i.e. “You said you meant—” “I did.”)
9. Clearly show character emotion in dialogue (your characters aren’t robots, or even if they are, you’ve no doubt infused them with human emotion).
Other good resources on my bookshelf: The Fiction Writer’s Guide to Dialogue, by John Hough, Jr. The Writer’s Guide to Realistic Dialogue, by S.A. Soule Writing Dialogue, by Tom Chiarella
Many other resources are available online; simply do a search for “craft of dialogue” and you will find a plethora of choices. And be sure to check out the recent AAA webinar by Penny Orloff titled, Let Them Talk! Writing Compelling Character Dialogue. Find a link to the webinar on the Arizona Authors website.
One parting thought. I like to visualize all of my scenes, as if I’m seeing them cinematographically. Everything in the scene should transfer from the page to the reader’s mind as if they are seeing it. Great dialogue is key to this.
As I say every month, “take or toss” any tips found in this column or in other resources. It’s your manuscript and you get to set the rules. Until then, Happy Writing!
Ashley E. Sweeney
Ashley E. Sweeney is the winner of the 2017 Nancy Pearl Book Award for her debut novel, Eliza Waite. A native New Yorker, she is a graduate of Wheaton College in Norton, Massachusetts, and resides in Tucson. Answer Creek, released in May 2020, is her second novel. Her third novel, Hardland, is set in the Arizona territory at the beginning of the 20th century. It was released on September 13, 2022. Find out more about Ashley HERE.
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