The author's voice - by Vijaya Schartz

 

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Unknowingly, what we usually like about an author is the voice. But voice is not style, or grammar, or the way an author strings the words together. Voice is more personal. It’s the way authors look at the world and how they share their own perspective with the reader.

It’s not just the words they use, but the subtle details they point out for you to notice. It’s the small things they describe that reveal so much about a character. It’s how they set the mood for a scene, the details they choose to describe when they introduce the setting.

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Let’s consider the master. Stephen King mastered the spooky genre, because he knows how to manipulate the reader. There are so many odd things in the haunted house, but he will describe everything as simple and ordinary… except for one tiny little detail, almost insignificant, but very disturbing. It could be a stopped clock, a drop of blood on a rug, a faint smell that doesn’t belong, a weird or unfamiliar sound.

Depending on the particular genre of your novel, these details will vary.

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I remember as a very green writer decades ago, submitting short stories to magazines. One editor who liked my story gave me some feedback that always stayed with me. My protagonist opened a closet to grab a pair of boots, and the editor mentioned I had missed a golden opportunity to define that character for the reader.

The editor wanted to know what else was in the closet. It would tell her what kind of person the protagonist was. Surf boards and roller skates? Warm shawls and sweaters? Tennis racquets? Military uniforms? Work uniforms? Cocktail dresses, Sports teams memorabilia? Was it neat or messy? I never forgot that simple comment and learned so much from it.

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Over the years, I have learned a lot about my writing from editors and readers. Knowing what you write also can help in promoting your work. I'm a positive, happy person, a problem solver, and it reflects in my novels. I write tight and make no apology for it. Straight to the point. And all my books are fast reads.

I was accused once of being too wholesome in my novels. I take it as a compliment, as this was my goal. At the end of my novels, I want the readers to feel good about the resolution, the characters, and about themselves. Justice has been served, the villains have been punished, and the universe is a safer and better place... for now at least.

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My heroes and heroines are not perfect, but they thrive to be better. They are brave, sometimes fierce, willing to face overwhelming odds against a higher power, willing to sacrifice themselves to save innocent victims. I do not kill my protagonists at the end. My novels are upbeat, fast-paced, action-packed, sometimes epic. And if you shed a tear or two, don't worry, it will all be worth it at the end.

Happy Reading!

Vijaya Schartz, award-winning author

Kick-butt Sci-fi Heroines, cats, romantic elements

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New Release: I'm looking for people who can't write good - by Dan Baldwin

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Topics include: Writing Into The Dark, Beginnings-Muddles-Endings, Indie vs. Traditional Publishing, Ghostwriting, Copyright and Contracts, Handling Isms, the Myths of Rewriting, Character Development, Marketing and Promotion, Dialog, Narrative, Your Gut Knows More Than Your Brain, The Best Job in the World, Mistakes I Made Told So You Don’t Have to Make Them—over 125 tips, hints, and warnings. The Santiago Mysteries author Ron Wick says, “Authors, future authors, and wannabe authors: Dan Baldwin's I’m Looking for People Who Can’t Write Good is an on-target treatment for the details of good writing. His style is like having a chat with a colleague about the craft. His pearls of wisdom come in depth, have great examples and a touch of humor. Read and learn.”

"Dan Baldwin, in his understated brilliance, has caught the essence of what it means to be a writer and how to go about doing it even if you’ve never written more than a few sentences in a letter to a friend. There are so many anecdotes and stories from his extensive experience that you will find yourself laughing and taking notes at the same time.

"Throughout the sections he delves into all the various areas needed to be a successful writer. You will not lack for information when you read Dan’s book. You absolutely don’t want to miss this, get your copy now and START WRITING!" -

~ Mary Ann Carmen, Paranormal Mystery Author

Dan Baldwin is a ghostwriter with more than 50 business books to his credit. He is also a novelist who has six published Westerns, three mysteries, a political/crime-thriller, and two short story collections, and four non-fiction works on the paranormal. Awards for his novels include:

Finalist - National Indie Excellence Award for Caldera III-A Man of Blood and Trapp Canyon.

Finalist - New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards for Sparky and the King and Bock's Canyon

Winner - New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards for They Are Not Yet Lots - a non-fiction work about psychic detecting.

The paranormal investigative book (with Dwight and Rhonda Hull) Speaking with the Spirits of the Old Southwest -Conversations with Miners, Outlaws, and Pioneers Who Still Roam Ghost Towns will be published by Lewellyn Worldwide in May, 2018

He is an avid hiker, especially in Arizona's Superstition Mountains and the Mogollon Rim country. He "plays at" the Native American flute and the kalimba. Check out Dan's work on his fiction web page www.fourknightspress.com and his non-fiction site www.danbaldwin.com.

My Name Ain’t Nobody by Dan Baldwin

 

I recently heard a new-ish writer complain that “nobody knows me, so I’ll never make it as a published writer.” That last bit about making it may be true. Success depends on many factors, but being a nobody isn’t one of them—unless the writer decides to make it so. At one time nobody had ever heard of Mark Twain, Hemmingway, Harper Lee, Jack Kerouac, Isaac Asimov, or Stephen King. As writers each of us starts from the same starting line of public awareness. Such awareness requires that the writer accomplish five basic tasks.

#1: Write a good story. That’s easy in the sense that writing is a joy; it’s the easiest job in the world. Writing does require discipline. To enjoy, and I mean to really enjoy the fun of writing, you have to have a daily schedule and you have to stick to it. Writing well develops over time, and the skill improves with age. The more you write, the better writer you become.

#2: Share the wealth. The worst judge of a writer’s work is the writer. The success of the work depends on the readers, on the market. It’s important for the writer to forget any qualms about being good or successful or recognized. Publish! Put the work on the market, forget about it, and move on to the next story.

#3: Become your own force multiplier. A force multiplier is something that increases the power of a single person, unit, or army. A writer’s force multiplier is his ability to produce more work. One-hit-wonders occur, but that’s no way to earn a living, support a lifestyle, or become known as a successful writer. Once readers find your story—and some will— they will want more. It’s the writer’s job to make sure that their readers’ desire for more is fulfilled. If they can’t find more, they move on to someone who is more disciplined and who produces sequels, prequels, and a continual stream of new works.

#4: Play the long game. Publishing today is easier, faster, and more profitable for the author than at any time in history, but the writer seeking fame and a fast buck will be disappointed. I can write a novel and have it published around the world within 30-45 days of handing the manuscript over to my designer/formatter. But my thinking is never focused on weeks or months. I think in terms of years—and I mean five-years-down-the-road thinking.

#5: Call your own shots. As noted, you must write to a schedule. Study writing, publishing, marketing, and something completely removed from writing (to keep your mind stimulated). Learn the ins and outs of publishing. The publishing world is still in turmoil over the Indie publishing revolution. As hustler Tony Curtis said in Operation Petticoat, “In confusion, there is profit.” Thanks to this confusion, writers have more options than ever. Use them to your advantage. Learn all you can about contracts and copyrights, covers and formatting, promotion and marketing. It takes time, and it’s all part of playing the long game.

Remember, each of us bolts from the same anonymity at the literary starting line. How far you go after the starter’s gun depends solely on you.

The author of westerns, mysteries, thrillers, short story collections and books on the paranormal, Dan Baldwin has won numerous local, regional, and national awards for writing and directing film and video projects. He earned an Honorable Mention from the Society of Southwestern Authors competition for his short story Flat Busted and was a finalist in the National Indie Excellence Awards for Trapp Canyon and Caldera III— A Man of Blood. A finalist in the New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards for Sparky and the King, Baldwin won the 2017 Book Awards for Bock’s Canyon. His paranormal works are The Practical Pendulum—A Swinging Guide, Find Me as told to Dan Baldwin, They Are Not Yet Lost and How Find Me Lost Me—A Betrayal of Trust Told by the Psychic Who Didn’t See It Coming. They Are Not Yet Lost and How Find Me Lost Me both won the New Mexico-Arizona Book Competition. More at www.fourknightspress.com and www.danbaldwin.com 

I am not concerned that I am not known. I seek to be worthy to be known. —Confucius 

Building a Galaxy by Daniel Dickinson

 

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PART 1: Tolkien and Middle Earth

Gas, matter, and energy erupt and expand at an amazing rate of speed, sending seeds of discovery and growth to every corner of your sci-fi/fantasy galaxy. And all it takes is a spark of imagination to get it started. Maybe it even arises with a simple question: Where do I even begin? 

Creative minds need a trigger—perhaps a title, an idea of a character, even a simple theme or emotion. Whatever your stimulus, you will certainly need to create a viable world in some capacity. Whether that world is a subdued, Tolkienlike secondary world or a hyper-real world like Neil Gaiman’s, your story and characters will need a cosmos of their own to explore. The size and scope of that universe is entirely in your hands. My role is to hand you the scales needed to balance the mind-staggering amount of effort needed to build a galaxy of your own, to provide contrasts between smaller worlds and bigger ones, and to illustrate how knowing the difference will save you a lot of work. To that end, I offer this 3-Part examination of different techniques for world-building.

J.R.R. Tolkien’s original unbridled vision of Middle Earth is the main focus of Part 1. It is also the most copied example of world-building. People have dived into the technique of Tolkien’s craft so often that it’s used as a ruler when measuring other worlds. Robert Jordan, Terry Brook, and even R.R. Martin have taken to copying aspects of Tolkien’s fantasy world-building.

The world of Middle Earth began with a hole in the ground, out of which grew the race of small, fur-footed creatures that would carry the entire narrative of the story. The Hobbit, the first of four novels in the Lord of the Rings series, was published by Allen & Unwin in 1937; the remaining titles followed nearly twenty years later. With millions of Tolkien’s books in circulation for eight decades, it’s rare to come across anyone who doesn’t know the story of the Hobbits and their quest to end the dark lord Sauron’s reign of terror.

“I now wanted to try my hand at writing a stupendously long narrative,” said Tolkien, “and to see whether I had sufficient art coming or material to make a really long novel which would hold the average reader right through.” 

With a plan set up and basic guidelines for his world and how its inhabitants would interact, Tolkien set about making up the history that would later define and govern the race and the daily lives of those in Middle Earth. However, there are a few missing pieces to the puzzle in the Lord of the Rings series. Absent are religions, beliefs, and historical temples that would increase the size of the mythology into other levels of existence. Within the original Tolkien stories, there are no direct correlations to the greater cosmos outside of Middle Earth. Reading through the series, the reader is led along the narrative in a closed view of the world and its inhabitants; and, while the world they do interact with is detailed and complex, the story is limited to small sections of Middle Earth. There is a limited scope to the world around the Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves, and men as the reader travels along the path of adventure. They are tightly packed within their own borders with only minor hints of outside lands such as Valinor, the retirement home of the Elves. As readers, we are never really treated to it and are kept at arm’s length.

The original trilogy also does this with other cultures within Middle Earth. For example, we are never brought to the lands of the Harad, or told much about them outside Tolkien’s narrative: “Tis said that there were dealings of old between Gondor and the kingdoms of the Harad in the Far South; though there was never friendship. In those days our bounds were away south beyond the mouths of Anduin; and Umbar, the nearest of their realms, acknowledged our sway. But that is long since.” (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Book 4, Ch. 3 – “The Black Gate is Closed”).

(Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Book 4, Ch. 3 – “The Black Gate is Closed”) Historical information is tightly packed into a few lines of dialogue about the Far South and its history. In these instances, the mythology of the world and the cosmos outside only exist to serve the narrative. The world never seems much bigger than what Tolkien wants it to be at any given time. The cosmology is boiled down to character focus, and it becomes an emotional journey. C.S. Lewis, a good friend of Tolkien, once commented on the storytelling aspect of his companion: “The Hobbit is merely an adaption to children of part of a huge private mythology of a most serious kind: the whole cosmic struggle as he sees it but mediated through an imaginary world.” (p. 630, The Collected Letters, Volume II, HarperOne).

This streamlined aspect to Tolkien’s world-building works for his narrative. As a reader, however, I never get the full breadth of the world. There is history but, despite the colorful descriptions, it never seems to go beyond the current scene or setting. We’re given information that the world is old, based on those living there now—Elves, Gandolf, Tom Bombadil are all aged, wise, and completely timeless

And that’s when things start to become a bit weird. If we stop and study the time frames and history within The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings series, we find time and the greater cosmos take a back seat to the story and adventure. When asked about time in a 1964 BBC interview, Tolkien pointed out that he couldn’t associate the time on Middle Earth with time as we know it “because it had been impossible. Because you would completely interfere with and trammel one in a free invention of history and an incident of one story.”

Tolkien went on to explain that he did not want to use Earth time, nor would Earth’s land masses make sense; he wanted his world to be free of the constraints of pre-conceived history. Time and space are fed to us in small, nutrient-packed bites that fill out the narrative with lively background for the characters to live in and interact with: “The Hunter’s Moon waxed round in the night sky and put to flight all the lesser stars. But low in the South one star shone red. Every night, as the Moon waned again, it shone brighter and brighter.” (Fellowship of the Ring)

This works for Tolkien’s stories and the way they flow. Keep in mind this densely packed world-building is not a bad thing—there’s a reason Tolkien is so often copied and studied. 

The question of where to start when developing a focused world becomes much easier when you’re concerned with the characters, instead of the greater cosmos around them. By developing the characters and their world as you travel along, you can explore it with them, learning new things as conflict arise, like orcs from the mist.

Beginning at the age of ten, Arizona native Daniel Dickinson has spent a lifetime inventing realistic realms for his fictional characters. His fantasy world, Xonthian— created during his teen years—is an entire domain that allows his characters’ journeys to unfold in a diverse setting. He enjoys giving educational presentations about world building and fantasy genres, in general. Daniel’s published works include the short story, Escape from Ogre Island; a two-story horror book, Don’t Close Your Eyes: Two Thrilling Tales of Terror; Aggression Factor; and Gathering Tide. More about Daniel at https://www.tigerforce.net/ and https://shoutoutarizona.com/meet-daniel-dickinson-author/ 

Back to Basics by Ashley E. Sweeney

CHARACTER AND PLOT DEVELOPMENT

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Who is your most memorable character in literature? Jay Gatsby? Scarlett O’Hara? Sherlock Holmes? Gandalf? What is it about that particular character that has stayed with you over the years?

Scout Finch tops my list, the indomitable young girl in Harper Lee’s 1960 classic, To Kill a Mockingbird. Scout’s naiveté, coupled with her tomboyishness and blunt honesty, creates a flawed yet fully fleshed character who’s stayed with me since I first read the novel in the early 1970s. Even when I taught a unit on TKAM every year in high school English, I never tired of Scout or her earnestness. If anything, her character grew on me.

So how do we, as authors, create memorable characters in our own works? Knowing our characters inside and out, sometimes before they hit the page, is one of our most important tasks as authors. 

Think of it like dating. You don’t marry someone you hardly know (well, not usually!) It can take weeks or months (or in my case, years) to decide if that certain someone is right for us. We assess, observe, and question our potential mate’s inner and outer characteristics as we experience shared events and situations. 

Does he/she/they have road rage? Negative political views? A nasty habit? Does he/she/they have a penchant to do good in the world? Accept others, warts and all? Love wildly? All of this factors into our decision whether to take a chance on a relationship.

The same goes for characters. Who are they? And why should readers spend time with them?

Early on in every manuscript, my (very detail-oriented) editor asks for a five-pronged character map for each of my characters. Talk about time consuming! When I’d rather be writing! But it’s proved an invaluable tool for each novel.

Here is a sample:

Character Worksheet 

Be as specific as possible 

Vital Statistics - Physical Traits - Socio/Economic Situation -  Gut Reactions
Full Name: Height: Education: Certainty vs. Change: Gender: Weight: Occupation(s):
Confusion vs. Understanding: Age: Ethnicity/Race: Income:
Defeat vs. Success: Born: Hair:
Attitude toward wealth/ poverty: Despair vs. Joy:
Now Resides: Eyes:
Jealousy vs. Acceptance: Birth Order:
Striking Features: Personality Loss vs. Gain:
Parents: Physical Flaws: Introvert/Extrovert/Other:
Love vs. Hate: Siblings: Habits: Mental Illness (if any):
Panic vs. Calm: Spouse (if any): Health: Strengths:
Worthiness vs. Unworthiness: Children (if any):
Skills: Weaknesses: Pertinent Backstory: Hobbies:
Triggers: Disabilities: Spiritual Life (if any): Speech 

After this exercise, take the five category headlines (Vital Statistics, Physical Traits, Socio-Economic Situation, Personality, Gut Reactions), winnow it down, and write a character synopsis. I repeat this exercise for every major character in the book, first the worksheet and then the paragraph.

Note that these are more detailed for primary characters than secondary characters. Tertiary characters and cameo characters are not as fleshed out (or at all).

Here’s an example of a character synopsis of the protagonist, Ruby Fortune, in my recent release, Hardland.

Ruby Fortune: protagonist; VS: Ruby Barstow Fortune, b. 1873 in Tucson, Arizona (6 years old (1879) to 34 years old (1907) in span of novel), only child of now-deceased George “Big Burl” Burlingame Barstow, widowed, mother of five boys (one deceased), resides in Jericho, A.T. north of Tucson, kills husband, Willie Fortune, in self-defense, swindles co-mine owners for claim of Silver Tip Mine outside Jericho, A.T. 

PT: Short, blonde, thin, flat-chested, weathered face, fit, attractive, low voice

S-E: Eighth-grade education, "Girl Wonder" (sharpshooter in her father’s Triple B Traveling Carnival and Wild West Show), now owner/proprietor of Jericho Inn/The Miracle.

P: Extrovert, outspoken, hard worker. Character Strengths: willful, loyal. Character Weaknesses: details, men. Triggered by nightmares of past abuse. Admits mistakes. In awe of nature.

GR: Difficulty working through change. If taken once by someone, vows not to be taken again (exception: Willie Fortune). Accepts everyone at face value, although not without judgment; slow to alter first impression, but does, when warranted (for good or evil). She-bear about sons; puts them first at her own expense. Struggles with relationship to God. At times, hot-tempered and foul-mouthed; at other times, reflective and soulful. Often own worst enemy. Makes mistakes in relationships. Works to manage pain and panic. Questions whether she is worthy. 

You’d be surprised how many times I returned to this synopsis while writing. When Ruby is hot-tempered, her mouth runs ahead of her thoughts. Check. I’m being consistent. When she’s reflective, she goes somewhere deep, into a place reserved for interior dialogue. Check, again. Consistency to character is paramount.

If it sounds like a lot of work to create characters through devices such as worksheets and synopses, it is. I contend you’ll be more satisfied with your characters, though, and so will your editors and readers.

But wait, there’s more!

PLOT DEVELOPMENT

After getting to know my characters, my editor then assigns a chap-by-chap plot summary worksheet, using the following classic plot template:

DATE/SETTING

Opening: Falling Action: Inciting Incident: Denouement: Rising Action: Ending: Climax

My entry for the first chapter of Hardland begins this way:

September 7, 1899, Jericho, Arizona Territory

Opening:

Weather detailed: windy/cloudy/dark
Locale detailed: dry/unforgiving/spare
Character detailed: stature/anxiety/bruised neck from recent abuse

Inciting Incident:

Ruby Fortune navigates steep, dangerous incline to Silver Tip Mine outside Jericho, A.T., almost falling into a crevice

Rising Action: 

Ruby Fortune arrives at Silver Tip Mine with forged will of dead husband Willie Fortune to claim ¼ of mine ownership; plans to buy a dilapidated roadhouse with funds 

Climax:

Ruby confronts and pulls gun on mine owner, Jimmy Bugg

Falling Action: 

Sheriff Sheldon Sloane arrives at mine on business

Denouement:

Sloane arranges for Bugg to pay Ruby the next day at Jericho First National Bank

Ending:

Ruby and Sloane ride back to Jericho in middle of monsoon

As a classic “pantser,” this worksheet is not nearly as detailed as outlines of classic “plotters,” but it does give structure to each chapter. And remember to end each chapter, as novelist Olivia Hawker says, with a “cymbal crash” (others call it a “cliff-hanger” or an “uh-oh” moment, something to keep your readers going and not wanting to put your book down).

In closing, there is much we can do before we even start our stories to flesh out characters and give our stories shape. Of course, authors must be flexible as writing is underway. Maybe a character develops an unforeseen ailment to deepen the plot, or we have to switch up or delete chapters for clarity. Life—in reality and in fiction—is full of surprises. Be open to them!

Until next time, Happy Writing!

Ashley E. Sweeney is the winner of the 2017 Nancy Pearl Book Award for her debut novel, Eliza Waite. A native New Yorker, she is a graduate of Wheaton College in Norton, Massachusetts, and resides in Tucson. Answer Creek, released in May 2020, is her second novel. Her third novel, Hardland, is set in the Arizona territory at the beginning of the 20th century. It was released on September 13, 2022. Find out more about Ashley at: ashleysweeneyauthor.com  

 

He Said, She Said - by Ashley E. Sweeney

This month, we’ll turn our attention to dialogue in our manuscripts. I’ve spent the better part of the last 15 years learning to craft more efficient and snappy dialogue. Before turning to writing novels full time, I spent a dozen years as a journalist. Following the familiar 5-W concept (who, what, where, when, and why), all of my articles relied on direct quotes from sources. Never did I misquote or embellish; whatever the source said—unless edited for clarity—wasn’t tampered with. Ever. 

When I began my full-time writing career (writing a novel can’t be that hard, can it?!), I had little trouble with plot, characterization, or description. Where I found myself lacking: dialogue. To remedy that, in addition to buying numerous books on the subject, I took a one-week intensive course with American playwright and screenwriter Theresa Rebeck (Smash, NYPD Blue) at Hedgebrook on Whidbey Island, Washington. There I came to learn how dialogue is critical to story. 

The first rule learned: Always tag dialogue with only “John said” or “he said”/“Jane said” or “she said” (the only time to break this rule is when a character asks a question; in that case use “he asked” or “she asked.”)

What, you say? None of “he whispered” or “she shrieked” or “he cried” or “she demanded?” And how to do this without pulling our hair 

 This is where your scene set-up and character description is paramount. If you’re setting up a passage where Jane might shriek, it’s all in the build up, i.e. a door opens, someone comes up from behind and accosts the character, the character bristles and screams. In this case, you might write “Get your hands off of me!” or “What the . . . ?!” An exclamation point alone will convey surprise or fright if the scene is set with tension.

If you’re intent on Jane demanding something, again, scene set up and description, i.e. Jane bursts into the office, slams her fist on the table, the room goes quiet. “Hand them over,” she said. “Now.”

We all know the old adage: Show, don’t tell. With this in mind, it’s important not to modify dialogue tags with adverbs, i.e. “she said resentfully.” Again, show, don’t tell that Jane resents John. You can use internal dialogue or backstory. It’s also unnecessary to use character’s names every time they speak.

See how unnatural this sounds:

“What do you want, Jane?” John said.

“I want the divorce papers,” Jane said. 

“Jane, you know I won’t hand them over without a fight,” John said.

“John, you exasperate me,” Jane said. “Hand them over. Now.”

Try this instead:

Jane bursts into the room, her face pock-marked with red blotches. Damn it that she forgot her concealer. A quick trip to the office ladies' room wasn’t worth the effort; she looks like shit. 

John looks up from his desk, his glasses perched low on his nose. She can feel his hostility across the room. “What do you want?” He looks down then, as if she’s not worth his attention. 

“The divorce papers."

He looks up, eyes narrowed, a sneer searing his lip. “You know I won’t hand them over without a fight. Not to you.”

Bastard. All those years living with bruises. He won’t beat me here. She advances toward the desk, knotting her hands to keep them from shaking. I can do this.

“Hand them over. Now.”

* * *

Now let’s dig deeper to uncover best practices for writing good dialogue. 

The first book I bought on the subject was titled eponymously, Dialogue, an imprint from the “Write Great Fiction” series by Gloria Kempton (Writer’s Digest Books, 2004). 

Here are 10 nuggets I underlined from Kempton’s book with comments of my own in parentheses:

1. We must slip inside our characters and become them; from inside of our characters, we begin speaking (be sure to do a complete character map before putting words in their mouths).

2. Dialogue reveals the character’s motives and opposing agendas (both external and internal dialogue accomplish this).

3. Effective dialogue always delivers tension (i.e. leave out the boring parts!)

4. Dialogue moves the plot forward (always). 

5. Dialogue gives the scene a three-dimensional feel (think all the senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch). 

6. Use contractions in dialogue to make the conversation feel and seem natural (you’ll notice the difference when you get to tip #10). 

7. Write dialogue that is eavesdropping-worthy (now we’re getting to the good stuff!) 

8. Pace your dialogue by inserting character movement (sometimes this will result in sentence fragments or sentences left hanging 1) with ellipses after train of thought, i.e. “I thought you said . . .” Jane looks at her feet. Can I really say this aloud? She dusts dried dirt off her foot and wipes her hand on her jeans. “Like I was saying . . .” OR 2) an em-dash if character is interrupted mid-sentence, i.e. “You said you meant—” “I did.”)

9. Clearly show character emotion in dialogue (your characters aren’t robots, or even if they are, you’ve no doubt infused them with human emotion).

Other good resources on my bookshelf: The Fiction Writer’s Guide to Dialogue, by John Hough, Jr. The Writer’s Guide to Realistic Dialogue, by S.A. Soule Writing Dialogue, by Tom Chiarella

Many other resources are available online; simply do a search for “craft of dialogue” and you will find a plethora of choices. And be sure to check out the recent AAA webinar by Penny Orloff titled, Let Them Talk! Writing Compelling Character Dialogue. Find a link to the webinar on the Arizona Authors website.

One parting thought. I like to visualize all of my scenes, as if I’m seeing them cinematographically. Everything in the scene should transfer from the page to the reader’s mind as if they are seeing it. Great dialogue is key to this. 

As I say every month, “take or toss” any tips found in this column or in other resources. It’s your manuscript and you get to set the rules. Until then, Happy Writing!

Ashley E. Sweeney

Ashley E. Sweeney is the winner of the 2017 Nancy Pearl Book Award for her debut novel, Eliza Waite. A native New Yorker, she is a graduate of Wheaton College in Norton, Massachusetts, and resides in Tucson. Answer Creek, released in May 2020, is her second novel. Her third novel, Hardland, is set in the Arizona territory at the beginning of the 20th century. It was released on September 13, 2022. Find out more about Ashley HERE.  

Back to Basics - by Ashley E. Sweeney

 Back in 8th grade English class, fusty grammarians in drab housedresses and sensible shoes hammered parts of speech into our brains. Remember diagramming sentences? Scouring the dictionary for transitive and intransitive verbs? Learning proofreading marks? With all stereotyping aside, it’s the Mrs. Carrizzos of the world that might very well have set us on the path we find ourselves today.

Oftentimes, though, we’re so caught up with publishing and marketing that we don’t take time to review craft. In this column over the next year, we’ll do just that: work on craft.

This month, we’ll review basics—and then dig deeper to see how choosing the right word is our job #1. By identifying heroes and villains in writing, incorporating robust words in our manuscripts, eliminating unnecessary words in our work, and editing productively, our manuscripts—and our readers—will thank us for it.

* * *

PARTS OF SPEECH:

NOUN: A word that indicates a person, place, thing, or idea, i.e. girl, classroom, pencil, satisfaction

PRONOUN: A word used in place of a noun, i.e., she, he, they

 VERB: A word that specifies action, i.e. run, talk, sing

ADVERB: A word that modifies a verb and tells how, when, where, why, how often, or how much, and often ends in – ly, i.e., loudly, strongly, bravely

ADJECTIVE: A word that describes a noun, i.e., experienced, powerful, new

PREPOSITION: A word or group of words that show the relation or position of the noun, i.e., before, alongside, across

CONJUNCTION: A word that connects other words, i.e., and, but, yet

INTERJECTION: A word that indicates surprise, and often ends with an exclamation mark, i.e., Yikes! Wow! Ugh!

* * *

HEROES:

Nouns and verbs are the heroes in writing and form complete sentences in and of themselves. Writing guru Natalie Goldberg, in her iconic Writing Down the Bones, advises writers to name your nouns.

“Be specific,” Goldberg writes. “Not car, but Cadillac. Not horse, but palomino. Not fruit, but tangerine.” By using concrete nouns, you place the reader in the setting.

When selecting verbs, we can also be specific. Goldberg goes on to say, “Verbs are the action and energy of a sentence. Be aware of your verbs and the power they have and use them in fresh ways.”

Take the verb “walk” for example (there are more than 30 synonyms for “walk,” beginning with amble and ending with waddle). By using vivid verbs, you can convey your character’s mood.

Let’s consider the sentence: Anna walks toward the house. 

What kind of house? The blue split-level at the end of the cul-de-sac? The stately mansion on Garden Avenue? The squat adobe squeezed between First Methodist and the Lucky Lady Saloon? 

And how is Anna walking? Does she amble, hobble, or march? Stagger, shuffle, or stride? Or does she tiptoe, trot, or trudge? 

With these specifics, we give our readers two important pieces of information: what is Anna’s mood (verb) and what is her destination (noun).

If we say Anna ambles toward the blue split-level at the end of the cul-de-sac, what picture/mood do you conjure when you read this sentence? By using “amble,” we could assume 1) she’s not in a hurry and/or 2) she might not be looking forward to going home for some reason. By using “blue split-level at the end of the cul-de-sac,” we could assume 1) she probably lives in suburbia and/or 2) she’s from a middle-class family.

Now use the verb “stride” in the second example to “feel” how Anna walks toward the mansion. Use the verb “trudge” in the third example to “feel” how Anna walks toward the squat adobe. See what a difference vivid verbs and specific nouns can make? It’s so much clearer than the original sentence: “Anna walks toward the house.”

VILLAINS: 

Most authors agree the villains in writing are adverbs. Used sparingly, they can be effective. But if you overuse them, you fall into what author Steven King, in his classic book, On Writing, says is the “fear of not being taken seriously; it is the voice of little boys wearing shoe polish mustaches and little girls clumping around in Mommy’s high heels. With adverbs, the writer tells us he or she is afraid he/she isn’t expressing himself/herself clearly, that he or she is not getting the point or the picture across.” Ouch. 

Another caveat about adverbs: Show the reader! Don’t tell the reader! And always use either says (present tense) or said (past tense) for dialog tags instead of using an adverb. For example, have your character slam his fist on the table instead of saying “he said loudly.” Or have your character whisper to her friend instead of saying “she said quietly.” Let your dialog and action show, not tell, how the character speaks.

The same goes for interjections. Using sparingly, they can be effective. But! If you use them, too much, they can be ineffective! Right?!

As to the other parts of speech, use as needed and be intentional in your writing.

* * *

Now let’s turn our attention to our manuscripts and how to edit them, keeping in the forefront of our minds that every word matters. 

Rule #1: Edit with dispassion and ruthlessness

Rule #2: Separate yourself from your work (note to self: your work is not your persona

Rule #3: Seek and be open to critique and advice from early readers

Rule #4: Be brutal in revisions

Gary Provost, in his The Seven Beacons of Excellent Writing, writes: “Don’t think about what you can put in. Think about what you can leave out.”

How to do this? 

First, in your final edit, analyze every sentence by reading aloud. Ask yourself, “How is the flow? Is there a stronger word to use?” Then go to print or online helps—dictionary, thesaurus—and audition new words. Read the sentence aloud again with new choices and don’t stop until you’re satisfied with one sentence before going on to the next. This is a lengthy yet invaluable process. And remember that sometimes the original and simplest word is best.

Once you’re satisfied with word choice, its time to slash away. Unnecessary words bog down a manuscript. The biggest culprits are the articles, a, an, and the, followed by superfluous words, including:

That     Each     Other     Every     More     Yet     Very     Actually     Just     Quite     Really     Rather     Like     Simply     Best     Up     Pretty     Down     See     Which 

How to find them? Search document for culprit words and use online helps such as Scrivener, ProWriting Aid, Grammarly, Autocrit, Word Hippo, or My Word Count. You can often trim your manuscript by 1,000+ words by removing inessential words.

You can, as my editor always points out, “take or toss” any writing advice. In the end, the choice is yours. It’s your story in your words.

Until next time, Happy Writing! 

 

Ashley E. Sweeney is the winner of the 2017 Nancy Pearl Book Award for her debut novel, Eliza Waite. A native New Yorker, she is a graduate of Wheaton College in Norton, Massachusetts, and resides in Tucson. Answer Creek, released in May 2020, is her second novel. Her third novel, Hardland, is set in the Arizona territory at the beginning of the 20th century. It is scheduled for release on September 13, 2022. More about her HERE.

Turn up the Heat! by Kathleen Cook

 Now that summer is here and the weather is sizzling, how about turning up the heat in your writing? There are many ways to add more drama, suspense, intrigue, emotion, and danger. I'll list just a few here:

Word Choice:

This is a no brainer. Let's take the sentence, "Ginger faced her son's killer." The temperature of the sentence is tepid. How do we turn up the dial to scorching? How about, "Ginger tingled in both fear and triumph as she spied the monster’s shadow on the brownstone. She'd lured him there, the spot where her brightest lodestone, her lifelong comfort, her paraplegic son, legs useless in fight or flight, watched this man wield a hammer like a whisk and make an omelet out of his brains. He was screaming when he died, the cops said, screams unheard or unheeded. Without effort or detection, she unlatched the safety on the Beretta in her pocket before turning toward that hideous face, with its cavernous scar above the right eye and a constant smirk on its lips." It takes longer to add rich color to your story, but the results add vibrant detail that heat up your novel!

Hints: 

Dropping hints to the reader little by little can add heat and spice to your story. For example, if you tell a reader early on, "Sheri's childhood nightmares always centered on drowning, but courage and time sparked her love for the ocean." Well, if you're writing an ocean saga, your readers will take it to the bank that Sheri's childhood nightmare will resurface at some point in the story. Even if it takes a few chapters, it adds the heat of expectation by throwing in the detail early.

Of course, if you don't intend to create a water mishap, then don't use such a device. You have to be honest with your readers; if you add such a tidbit and then don't deliver the expected danger, readers will throw down your book in disgust and never buy another. 

Pile it on!

Think your character has had too much tragedy for one book? Nope. If she falls in a lake, add some piranhas. If she’s tied to the train tracks with an oncoming train, add a scorpion crawling up her leg as her lover rushes to save her. If she flees a killer in the woods, add a mountain lion blocking the escape route. If you want to add heat, add it. You can always take it out later if there really is too much. Editing out sections of a thrilling first draft is a whole lot easier than shoring up a novel thin on action to begin with. Besides, it gives you material for a later book, one with even more drama, spills and thrills than this one.

Summer is the best time to sit down in your air-conditioned office, spare room, or dining room table, and write that sizzling bestseller. No need to experience the heat outside when you’ve got it right there in front of you! 

Kathleen Cook is a retired editor and the author of more than twenty books. A former copy writer/editor for Demand Studios, she also served as the Fictional Religion Editor for the ODP (Open Directory Project) in the late 90s. She is currently the Arizona Authors Association Editor as well as its website administrator.